Breastfeeding Journey

Here I am nursing Liam and Brielle. River is getting a bottle next to me. I really thought this would be the image 8 times a day...

My breastfeeding journey is nothing like I had imagined. If you are pregnant with triplets please do not let my story sway you or think it will reflect your experience. I know so many triplet Mamas who successfully breastfed/breastfeed their babies.

I have done everything right. I had Brielle at the breast in the OR, pumped within 30 minutes of being in my room. Pumped every 2-3 hours after the babies were born. I have used the prescription domperidone and the herbs fenugreek, goats rue, shatavari, mulliggnay, milk thistle, blessed thistle, fennel, dandelion, nettle, red clover, red raspberry leaf, hops, oatstraw and several hoppy beers. I am beginning to realize and trying to accept a different nursing life than I thought I would have. It is so hard and sad for me. I am pretty tough and crying for me is uncommon, but every time I stop and think about my lack of milk I cry and get so very sad. But, I must accept what is life. I breastfed Kai for almost 3 years and throughout my pregnancy with Kian and Kian for 2 and 1/2. I was even nursing until 12 weeks into the triplet pregnancy. I never imagined I would not have enough milk. I did everything right.

Tonight is the first night that my exclusively nursing daughter lost weight. Now that is serious. She has not been gaining as fast as River, but Brielle lost 3 ounces in the last 2 days. Now nursing is a gamble. I will still nurse my little gal, but will start supplementing. I nurse Liam recreationally, he is still having strength issues and cannot draw much milk and what is there does not flow enough to keep him interested. River I try everyday, but the flow is too low and she has an aversion to nursing.

It saddens me so that I do not have enough breastmilk for my three little ones. I am so sad that they will miss out on the benefits of breastmilk and all the positive aspects of nursing. I write this to try to deal with the sadness. Brielle, River and Liam will be 6 months old on Sunday. I have kept hope that one day my breasts would turn on. Well it has not happened and most likely will not.

I feel sad for all the time I spent with the breastpump, time I could have been playing with Kai and Kian. That is wasted time that I will never get back. I just kept working thinking the milk would finally come through. For whatever reason my body is/has not cooperated.

Here I am realizing that there will have to be a new normal and with each day I will have to accept the fact that there are so many positives to life with these three little ones and the years of nursing while so important will eventually lead to growing little ones and these early years while always remembered will have details that fade.

I hope that the formula they receive will give them all they need. I add a lot of fish oil and probiotics. River and Brielle are eating avocados and bananas and I hope to use less formula. My poor little ones have the worst eczema all over there body and I know it is because of the formula. We did make our own formula for a week, but after talking with the pediatrician we will wait for a month and start again.

I think I am writing this more for me and as a way to feel better.

I wish it was different, but it is the way it is. I am so thankful for my five little ones, they teach me something new everyday.

Last night we went somewhere and stayed out late. I thought Sidney would sleep better in the other room since he would only get a few hours of sleep before work. I had all of my little ones in the same room. Kai, Kian, River and Brielle were in bed with me. Liam was in the crib that is attached to the bed. All five of my sweet little ones were next to me and one time I was touching all of them. It is amazing that I am a mother to all of them. They are so special and I truly love each of them entirely and wholeheartedly.

I am off to go read the chapter I never knew I would need. The chapter in attachment parenting about bottle feeding. I can still be an attached Mommy.

Some may read this and think it is frivolous and wonder why it bothers me so much. Well unless you have nursed a toddler going through the stomach flu, nursed a toddler after he got hurt and fractured his teeth and nursed a little one all night as you co-slept in the hospital you may not understand. The deep relationship a little nursling has with his/her Momma cannot be equaled or compared to anything else. It is amazing and I am so thankful I lived it with my two older boys. I will keep nursing and occasionally pump. I will keep the supply that I have up and also hope that one day I wake up engorged and ready for a new nursing adventure.

How to take triplets out without a stroller

We are a family that never used strollers. I would always carry Kai and Kian in a baby carrier, an Ergo or Mei Tai. It just felt great to have them close by where they could see what we saw and be in our conversations. When I found out we were having triplets I often wondered how we would maintain our baby carrying ways? Well we found a solution. Sidney and I found an easy backpack carrier and I use a front pack to carry Liam. Liam is still working on his head control so the Mei Tai is perfect for him. I still put him in the Moby wrap too. We recently went to the zoo and Sidney had River in the Kokopax backpack and I had Liam in a Mei Tai and Brielle in another Kokopax. It was so nice to be mobile and not need a stroller. I felt like a pack mule and looked a bit funny, but I loved having my little ones close.

Update

Liam at the aquarium

Here the babies are in their baby swings. We try to make sure they are not in them too long, but it is a great place when I cannot hold them.

Here is River and her sweet smile.

Here is Miss Brielle

Brielle and River

Kai, Brielle, Liam, River, "baby dolls", and Kian

Today the babies are 5 months old. These last five months have been amazing, there has been an intense amount of work, everyone growing, and fun.

The boys are growing a bit more independent and are able

to play more together. Legos have brought them together. Every night I give the babies a bath in the sink in the bathroom. It gets a little crazy. Babies are screaming and I scramble to tend to them. During baths Kai and Kian make great lego creations. Once the babies are clean Sidney and I feed them as Kian and Kai bring the parade of legos in. It is a great time of day.

The babies are growing here is a video of Liam. It was the first time he touched his sister and interacted with her.

Liam weighs 13.03 pounds and is getting stronger every week. Liam was born with a lower tone and has had problems feeding and still can't really cry, cough or sneeze well. The muscles in his trunk are low and will get stronger. I still cannot wait to hear a real cry and not a wimper. He is getting stronger and able to support his head a bit. He has physical therapy a few times a month and I know that will help. He was the first to laugh out loud and loves being played with. He has a huge smile and it is so sweet. We are still working on nursing. He is not very strong and may not transfer much, but we are working on it.

Brielle is 15.03 pounds. She loves to laugh and must be in constant contact with Mommy. She loves to breastfeed all night long. She is the only one who can nurse. She receives almost 100% breastmilk. She is so sweet.

River is the strongest and has been smiling for awhile. She always meets us with a smile. She weighs 16.03 pounds. River is so happy and loves to play.

The boys are so gentle with the babies. They hug them and snuggle them all day. They love to make them smile and laugh.

We have had so much snow and the boys have been having so much fun. They built a great snowman with Sidney

Gear that has helped us

Yes, that is a trampoline in our living room. What does one get two very active boys for Christmas, a trampoline. They are in it all day and night. It has been a great way to help them exercise and let off some energy. And behind the trampoline is "baby town", Kai gave it its name. It is a set up of baby gate things that will/do corral the babies. It is a great place to sit and feed/play with the babies. That way the babies are safe from two very active boys and the dog. Our house looks pretty ridiculous, but it works.

I miss my Dad

I have thought about my Dad often, less as the years go by. I don't know what it was about tonight, maybe that I had a slow half an hour and my mind began to calm from the busy day. It was the first time I had thought about my Dad and how his relationship would be with the big boys and the babies. It would be amazing.

My Dad did the best he could and raised me and my older brother since I was seven. Not an ideal childhood, but he would be so much in my little ones lives. Kai and Kian do not get all the attention they once did. My Dad's favorite pastime was to lay in bed and watch tv, he loved it. I can see him laying in bed inviting Kai and Kian with a nickname like "boy boy" or something else that was intended to be special for each. As a side note he would have asked when they were born, "why can't you give them normal names". He would have always made sure each one felt on top of the world after spending time with them. He always had a way of making whoever he was talking to feel special. The boys have a void from Sidney and I being so busy, my Dad would have filled that. He also would have filled them with a ton off candy, soda and tv. He would have told them to hide it from me. This past New Years Eve I told them we would have a party like my Dad use to have. We made sodas with cherries and their juice (not the healthy ones, but the sugary red ones), ice cream sundays and part favors. It was their first sodas and they loved them. The only thing I forgot to do was pull out the pots and pans to bang at midnight.

My Dad would love these babies so much, but never fawn over them in front of the boys as he would know the boys need attention first. He would think the girls were the most beautiful babies to ever be born and would see no problem with Liam. If I mentioned his tone or weakness he would say "he looks good to me I don't know what you're worried about". That would be his way of saying go with it and he will be fine.

If he were here he would send me out of the house to the salon so Sidney and him could give me a break. And so they could have time without me hovering around.

I really wish my Dad was still alive. I know my children would be better with him in their lives. I will remember him and keep him alive in the stories I tell my little ones. If my Dad would have had a colonoscopy he would be alive today. If anyone is reading this make sure everyone you love 50 and over has had a colonoscopy, it would have caught my father's cancer. It has been 8 years sine he died and it would be so nice to have him here.

Help Wanted

We are looking for help. We only ask that you are healthy and have not been sick or around anyone sick for 7 days (including no cold sores/fever blisters). If you have had this years flu shot and DTAP(tetnus pertussis vaccine) then you can hold/play with babies.

We need any and all to help with house and big boys. The big boys need someone to sit on the floor or table and play legos, cars, read books and do art projects.

Our mountain of clean clothes needs to be folded, a vacuum needs to go over the floors, the dishes need to be emptied and placed in the dishwasher. A few counters could be wiped down too.

We are so busy just getting by. The babies are fed, played with and clean. We are trying our best with everything else and failing.

You will be paid with tremendous gratitude, smiles, thank yous and a fun experience. Our house is full of excitement and there is never a dull moment.

I hope to hear from any applicants soon.

Thank you Siri and Diane

Having triplets is an amazing adventure. I am so thankful for my five children. They bring me a tremendous amount of love, laughter and joy. It is a lot of work too. We have had a few volunteers who have helped us. Most we saw once or twice, which was a great help.

We would love to have help every day even once a week. Anything is great. But there are two amazing women who have been so generous to our family. I will always remember them. The sweet acts and support that they have given our family is unforgettable.

I did not know Siri prior to having the babies. I was advised to try to find volunteers so I e-mailed post partum doulas and asked if they would volunteer. Siri is one that answered my call. She was coming twice a week for four hours a time. She even hires a babysitter so she can come on Wednesdays. That is extreme generosity. She would work so hard when she came. She always spends time with the older boys and plays with them. She always ensures the dishes are done and the kitchen cleaned. She always offers an ear to listen to all this busy Momma is going through. She is a wonderful person and we are so thankful for her. She is gentle with our little ones and treats them with such care. She has a great spirit and we are so fortunate to have had her in our family.

We met Diane through the triplets Occupational Therapist Judy (a wonderful woman who makes the best zuccini bread on the planet and has a sweet niece who has come over to help a few times). Diane is fantastic. She came to our house and is always smiling and happy with a tremendous amount of energy. She treated our little ones like they were her own. With great respect and care. She always ensured our mountain of clean clothes were folded and put away. One night she took care of the babies downstairs so we could all eat a hot dinner together. We had the baby monitor on in case she needed anything. We heard her gently calming the babies. We went to check on her and she was taking turns holding the one that needed attention. She was very busy with all three. When I woke up the next day I found a big pile of clothes that had been folded by flashlight. She works from the second she comes in to our home until she leaves.

These two amazing women were strangers to us. Two women who work so hard and have so much care and generosity to offer.

I am very independent and it is hard for me to ask or accept help. These women always knew what we needed and took care of so much. It is amazing how strangers have worked harder and done more for us than friends or family. Our home is overwhelming and I understand that, but these women can handle it and they excel at caring for us and supporting us as we learn the rhythm of our family of seven.

Thank you Siri and Diane. Both of you are amazing, generous, caring superwomen. I am so grateful for both of you and all you have done. You are always welcome at our home.