I miss my Dad

I have thought about my Dad often, less as the years go by. I don't know what it was about tonight, maybe that I had a slow half an hour and my mind began to calm from the busy day. It was the first time I had thought about my Dad and how his relationship would be with the big boys and the babies. It would be amazing.

My Dad did the best he could and raised me and my older brother since I was seven. Not an ideal childhood, but he would be so much in my little ones lives. Kai and Kian do not get all the attention they once did. My Dad's favorite pastime was to lay in bed and watch tv, he loved it. I can see him laying in bed inviting Kai and Kian with a nickname like "boy boy" or something else that was intended to be special for each. As a side note he would have asked when they were born, "why can't you give them normal names". He would have always made sure each one felt on top of the world after spending time with them. He always had a way of making whoever he was talking to feel special. The boys have a void from Sidney and I being so busy, my Dad would have filled that. He also would have filled them with a ton off candy, soda and tv. He would have told them to hide it from me. This past New Years Eve I told them we would have a party like my Dad use to have. We made sodas with cherries and their juice (not the healthy ones, but the sugary red ones), ice cream sundays and part favors. It was their first sodas and they loved them. The only thing I forgot to do was pull out the pots and pans to bang at midnight.

My Dad would love these babies so much, but never fawn over them in front of the boys as he would know the boys need attention first. He would think the girls were the most beautiful babies to ever be born and would see no problem with Liam. If I mentioned his tone or weakness he would say "he looks good to me I don't know what you're worried about". That would be his way of saying go with it and he will be fine.

If he were here he would send me out of the house to the salon so Sidney and him could give me a break. And so they could have time without me hovering around.

I really wish my Dad was still alive. I know my children would be better with him in their lives. I will remember him and keep him alive in the stories I tell my little ones. If my Dad would have had a colonoscopy he would be alive today. If anyone is reading this make sure everyone you love 50 and over has had a colonoscopy, it would have caught my father's cancer. It has been 8 years sine he died and it would be so nice to have him here.